God has called me to write. That I know.
I also know this: Half Obedience is disobedience.
I have not even been half obedient. I’ve filled my hours with work, which supports my family. That is good. I’ve filled my hours with my children, which is a wonderful thing – they are my legacy. I’ve filled my hours with my husband. I cherish the moments we spend together. We get each other. We are each other’s biggest fans. I’ve filled my hours serving in my local church and in my local community – we can’t argue that those things are one bit bad. (Side note: I have not filled my hours with keeping my house spotless…in case you were wondering…)
I have not written.
And that has been disobedience for me.
And that one piece of disobedience has brought me to a place where I feel completely exhausted and overwhelmed by all of those good things listed above.
This longing and stirring inside of me has been around for…oh, say almost 2 years. And I’ve gone through seasons of writing. I even wrote everyday for an entire month last October. And I learned SOOO much during that time. Then, I stopped. Because life got in the way and I slowly began to let other things fill my 24 hours.
Since then, I’ve had clues along the way that this was not something I was supposed to put back on the shelf and forget about. Or just wait until one day when I had more time to write. No, this was something that needed to stay and be part of the everyday me.
I’ve guilted myself for many months with stupid thoughts about my writing. No one knows who I am. No one wants to waste time reading about me. I don’t have a crazy captivating story to tell. I just have me. Just boring old ordinary…me.
Then, I read a quote from the book, “The Circle Maker” – which is really a fabulous book all about prayer. But, in the midst of this prayer book, the author speaks directly to people who feel God is calling them to write…ahem..and about whether you are qualified or called to write.
Did you catch that?
He said, “Too many authors worry about whether or not their book will get published. That isn’t the question. The question is this: Are you called to write? That’s the only question you need to answer. And if the answer is yes, then you need to write the book as an act of obedience. It doesn’t matter whether anyone reads it or not.”
Just write, Starr. Just write.
Right now, I sit in the passenger seat of my car as my husband patiently awaits our much needed date night dinner. And I write. Thank goodness our date nights have never been normal…we seriously just put out open house signs on the way to dinner- hahaha! Ya’ll, you’ve never truly bonded til you put out open house signs on every corner together!! And I’m especially thankful that he has patience for this one thing that I have to do right now.
This, is obedience for me.
What is God asking you to do? That unsettled feeling of half obedience or disobedience that you feel in the bottom of your soul…it never goes away…