#firstfridayfinds : unraveling…something complicated or puzzling

It’s the first week of the month, which means it is time to sit down for 15 minutes with a timer and write on a scripture that I’m pondering lately. Unedited, unscripted (although I’ve played this blog over and over in my head for weeks now!). It’s called #firstfridayfinds

Let’s start off by pretending that today is actually Friday. That’s a good start. Because today is actually Sunday.

That’s out of the way now, and I feel better already…

I’d like to start off giving you a little background to how I got here. A few years ago, I don’t know exactly how long ago, I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a rant from a distant friend. I don’t typically waste my time on these senseless rants that people feel inclined to, but this one caught my attention. The friend was calling out any mom or wife that would allow her house to be a disaster. From what I can remember best, she blamed laziness and bad planning and bad habits to any mom that would allow her home to be a place of chaos. That if that mom cared at all and loved her family, she would do whatever it takes to keep her kitchen and her stove clean.

Now, I’m sure that she didn’t use these exact words. I’ve actually tried to go back and find this post to see what it ACTUALLY said and compare that with what I actually took away from this thought that has invaded my mind on WAYY too many occasions during the past few months. I am that mom. And my friend would likely not approve if she walked into my home at this very moment. She could tell me how useless I am and how I am not providing the environment that my kids deserve. She could claim that I don’t really love my husband, because if I did I would have a clean kitchen and spotless sink and my dirty clothes wouldn’t pile up like Mount Everest…

But, there’s this one thing. She’s never walked in my shoes. She hasn’t gone through the situations that I have gone through in the past year. She’s likely had her own battles. We all do.

I do try. I do care. I do exhaust myself in trying to keep up. I do love my children and my husband and my home. Maybe at times I put my job before my laundry. Maybe sometimes I put my church work before cleaning my pantry. Maybe sometimes I care more about holding my baby than vacuuming the floor. And, I need to stop apologizing. I want to stop letting these thoughts of my distant friend and her careless rant invade the very depths of my soul and my identity as a mom.

So, tonight I breathe. I look at the boxes that line the front room when you walk in the door because we’ve stuffed 60 years of my grandparent’s memories into our home temporarily. I don’t see an overwhelming project that will never end. I see potential of being able to, for the very first time, make my home full of memories from my family heritage. And this excites me. I’m giving myself permission to not rush this process. There’s learning in this process. There’s hope in this process. There’s something inside of me that says this is your path, take it. Don’t watch someone else and their path and think that theirs is the right way. Go ahead, walk in the path I’ve given you – in the midst of boxes and mattresses and pillows that smell like old people.

{crap, my timer just went off..hang with me for 2 more minutes}

There’s a song that captures what I’ve been running through my mind this weekend since Friday. The song is called, Unraveling by Shelly Moore. Here’s a few lines that describe me and my mess:

I’ve looped the rabbit’s hole around the tree
Trying to ordain the life that’s best for me
All my knots were tied, my bows fell perfectly
Now I’m unraveling… 

I’ve heard you say, “Wait for the better day  
There is purpose, even in the midst of this
And just as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow
I’ll get you through the night”

Unravel: one definition is to investigate and solve or explain (something complicated or puzzling).

That’s what God is doing in my life. He’s investigating and solving my complicated and puzzling life. He didn’t leave me here to do it all on my own. He didn’t want me wondering around looking for my identity in a Facebook post by someone I haven’t actually talked to in 20 years…thank GOODNESS!

And so I leave you with my one scripture on this Friday, I mean Sunday:

I shall hear a word behind me, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever I turn to the right or the left. (Isaiah 30:21)

Lord, I’m listening to YOU. I’m needing to hear Your voice, and Your guidance.

~Starr

___________________________________

Side note and fun references, just in case you don’t believe me and my MESS:

A few days ago I posted on Facebook about my mess and gave a photo example. I’ve had so many people online and in person come to me with comments about how my “mess” isn’t really what they define as a mess. Really? Ya’ll – obviously you didn’t zoom in good enough, or maybe I didn’t take enough photos to show you the real me and the real imperfection. Here you go. You’re welcome. 

My original Facebook post earlier this week:

Starr haigler facebook house

Here’s a desk in our kitchen to the left of our breakfast table that you can’t see from the angle in the photo above. Free snow cones, anyone?

Starr haigler desk

And here’s the view of the room that you enter our house in. Please note the dryer that was just moved downstairs this week. What a week for it to decide to stop working. And do you remember the Mount Everest laundry pile? This is not good, friends.

Starr haigler front room

Thankfully, we had some small wins this week! Our kitchen counters and island are clear! Our pantry is cleaned out, really. And, our fireplace is pretty. These are small glimpses of the wins I choose to celebrate whenever I can!

Starr haigler fireplace

And, we started a new tradition in our home this week. It’s called #pizzafriday {Yes – we made homemade pizza!

Starr haigler pizza

I didn’t exactly say that we were pros at making homemade pizza yet…

One quarter got a little burnt. Pizza anyone?

Starr haigler burnt pizza

If you’re thinking that looks disgusting, you’re right. We didn’t eat that part. We scraped the toppings off and ate them instead.

Now, don’t we all feel better?

🙂

_____________

Learn more about #firstfridayfinds with my friend Elizabeth over at her blog!

 

6 thoughts on “#firstfridayfinds : unraveling…something complicated or puzzling

  1. I love that song! (listen to it almost daily!) love the passage, love your words and your sharing of your mess : ). I keep being reminded over and over that these kinds of messes are really ‘evidence’ of all the living that is taking place in our homes. thanks girl!

    Like

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